Grief

"You think the impact of her years in the orphanage will quickly fade, become less of her life. But grief is deep and abiding, whatever its cause. Grief is not a sudden plunge into darkness, followed by a slow upward incline to the light. Grief moves forward and back, up and sideways. At times it jerks to a stop, and any progress toward healing seems fully and permanently stalled." Jeff Gammage (adoptive father) China Ghosts

When I was choosing quotes for my blog posts for this journey, I chose the above quote thinking our new child would definitely be grieving the loss of all that was familiar to her. Kate grieved significantly when we were here last time and this is what I expected of CC. When I was planning blog posts, I put this quote, for no particular reason, on today. Little did I know the significance of that.

At 4 a.m. this morning, Kate woke us up with a fever. We got up to get her some tylenol and we checked our phones. There were messages on both phones from Danny's brother, Scott, to call him as soon as we could. I knew something was very wrong. Danny went into the other room and called him immediately. It was one of the worst things we could have heard, especially being on the other side of the world ... Danny's father passed away very unexpectedly in his sleep that night. If you have been reading this blog, you know that Danny's mom has been here with us. Danny had to go tell his mom. And in the following whirlwind of shock and confusion and uncertainty, we decided Carolyn and Danny needed to get home as soon as possible. We were able to get them tickets out of Guangzhou all the way to Dallas. They left this morning and have 2 layovers and a long 24+ hours of flying ahead. We also decided to send Britton home with them. My mom and I and the girls will stay the course of the trip, go to our Consulate Appointment on Monday, and fly out on Wednesday morning. We land at home on Wednesday night and will go to Dallas on Thursday to be with the family. They are waiting on us to get there to have the funeral. 

 

This is such a shock. Our family has weathered a lot this year with the loss of my brother. I never imagined we would be plunged back into the depths of sudden and significant loss and grief so soon. Please keep our family in your prayers ... especially Danny's mother, Carolyn, and his brothers, Scott and Ryan. 

I am sitting on a bed in China, between my two beautiful, sleeping daughters ... two girls loved very much by their grandfather. I am sad he never got to hold sweet CC, but I am so glad we got him on FaceTime the other morning. He got to see her in action. I know he would have loved getting to meet this precious child. I am also thankful that our big kids just saw him in early November when we went to my nephew's baptism. And also glad for an August trip to Dallas where we spent a week with them. I hope they always carry him in their memories.

Daddy Doug, as he was known to the littles, had been married to Carolyn for 40+ years. He had 3 sons and 6 amazing grandchildren, who were the light of his life. There will forever be a void in our lives without him. 

Please pray for our family.

Some pictures of Daddy Doug with our children...